A PERSONAL PROFILE OF DEALING WITH CONFLICT
The proverbs listed below can be thought of as descriptions of different strategies for resolving conflicts. These proverbs reflect traditional/folk wisdom for dealing with conflict. Read each proverb carefully. Using the scale shown below, indicate how typical each proverb is of YOUR ACTIONS in a conflict.
5 = VERY TYPICAL of the way I act when in conflict.
4 = FREQUENTLY TYPICAL...
3 = SOMETIMES TYPICAL...
2 = SELDOM TYPICAL...
1 = NEVER TYPICAL...
1.______ It is easier to refrain (avoid altogether) than to retreat from a quarrel.
2.______ If you cannot make a person think as you do, make him do as you think.
3.______ Soft words win hard hearts.
4.______ You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
5.______ Come now and let us reason together.
6.______ When two quarrel, the person who keeps silent first is the most praiseworthy.
7.______ Might makes things right.
8.______ Smooth words make smooth ways.
9.______ Better half a loaf than no bread at all.
10.______ Truth lies in knowledge, not in majority opinion.
11.______ He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.
12.______ He hath conquered well that hath made his enemies flee.
13.______ Kill your enemies with kindness.
14.______ A fair exchange brings no quarrel.
15.______ No person has the final answer, but every person has a piece to contribute.
16.______ Stay away from people who disagree with you.
17.______ Fields are won by those who believe in winning.
18.______ Kind words are worth much and cost little.
19.______ Tit for tat is fair play.
20.______ Only the person who is willing to give up his monopoly on truth can ever profit from the truths that others hold.
21.______ Avoid quarrelsome people as they will only make your life miserable.
22.______ A person who will not flee will make others flee.
23.______ Soft words ensure harmony.
24.______ One gift for another makes good friends.
25.______ Bring your conflicts into the open and face them directly; only then will the best solution be discovered.
26.______ The best way of handling conflicts is to avoid them.
27.______ Put your foot down where you mean to stand.
28.______ Gentleness will triumph over anger.
29.______ Getting part of what you want is better than not getting anything at all.
30.______ Frankness, honesty, and trust will move mountains.
31.______ There is nothing so important you have to fight for it.
32.______ There are two kinds of people in the world: winners & losers.
33.______ When one hits you with a stone, hit him with a piece of cotton.
34.______ When both people give in halfway, a fair settlement is achieved.
35.______ By digging and digging, the truth is discovered.
SCORING: HOW I DEAL WITH CONFLICT
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Avoidance |
Competing or Forcing |
Accommoda- tion |
Compromis- ing |
Collaborating or Confronting |
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1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
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6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
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11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
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16 |
17 |
18 |
19 |
20 |
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21 |
22 |
23 |
24 |
25 |
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26 |
27 |
28 |
29 |
30 |
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31 |
32 |
33 |
34 |
35 |
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TOTAL |
TOTAL |
TOTAL |
TOTAL |
TOTAL |
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The higher the score for a particular conflict strategy, the more frequently you tend to use that strategy. The lower the score for a particular conflict strategy, the less frequently you tend to use that strategy.
CONFLICT QUESTIONNAIRE
TRUE FALSE
______ ______ Conflict is a painful experience, and people who cause conflict should be avoided when possible.
______ ______ Conflict is inevitable, but that does not mean it is bad.
______ ______ Conflict is essentially a win/lose situation.
______ ______ Conflict is a part of any relationship that is growing in closeness and maturity.
______ ______ Conflict is always the result of someone doing something wrong.
______ ______ Where there is conflict there will be anger, criticism, hurt feelings, distancing, and damaged or broken relationships.
______ ______ Relationships can never be as good as they were before conflict occurred.
______ ______ Conflict is best handled by not taking things personally, by giving people freedom to do as they think best, and by distancing ourselves from those who differ from us.
______ ______ If we would focus on what we have in common (on the good that exists between us), and forget our differences, there would be less conflict.
______ ______ People who really love each other do not experience conflict in their relationship.
______ ______ Conflict erodes trust, and lost trust cannot be restored.
______ ______ Conflict is a warning that one of us is hurting and the other is somehow related to that hurt. We then have the opportunity to join in a cooperative effort to resolve the issue or issues so that we can continue sharing a relationship of mutual trust and love.
______ ______ Conflict should not exist in the Church.
______ ______ Conflict among Christians is a sure sign that someone has sinned or is sinning.
POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO CONFLICT
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TYPE OF RESPONSE |
STRENGTHS |
WEAKNESSES |
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WIN |
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YIELD |
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COMPRO- MISE |
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WITHDRAW |
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CONFRONT |
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Edited from "RESOLVING OUR DIFFERENCES" by Lynn & Juanita Buzzard
IN YOUR OWN WORDS
Are you currently involved, or were you recently involved, in a conflict? Without naming the other party, describe (in fifty words or less) the main cause of the conflict, from your point of view and then from the other party’s point of view.
Do you think you accurately understand the other party’s point of view? ___________
Based on the conflict just described, which response (win, yield, compromise, withdraw, confront) has been your predominant response to this conflict? Explain why you have chosen to make this response your primary response?
PREDOMINANT RESPONSE:
WHY I CHOSE IT:
How is your current response working at bringing the two of you together to resolve the conflict and restore or repair the damage done to the relationship?
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Revised 2020