GOD'S MODEL
FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT AND RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS
GO TO THE PERSON YOU ARE IN CONFLICT WITH
FIRST PRIVATELY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATTHEW 18:15
"And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
IF NEEDED, WITH ANOTHER PERSON(S) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATTHEW 18:16
"But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
IF NEEDED, ASK THE CHURCH FOR HELP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATTHEW 18:17
"And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a taxgatherer.
FAILURE TO LOVE IN GOD’S WAY
PUTS US OUT OF GOD'S WAY
I JOHN 2:9-11
The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
I JOHN 4:7-8
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
I JOHN 4:19-21
We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
GOD'S BLESSINGS
FOR PROTECTING AND PRESERVING RELATIONSHIPS
We are blessed by God when we resolve our differences with one another.
I PETER 3:8-9
To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
We are blessed by God when we help others resolve their differences with one another.
MATTHEW 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
REASONS TO GET HELP
IN RESOLVING OUR DIFFERENCES
We need help because we get emotionally involved in disputes, thus hindering our ability to think clearly and act in a manner that seeks the good of everyone involved.
We need help discovering reasonable, alternative solutions to the dispute so we have more than one or two possible ways to resolve the conflict. A third party (someone not involved in the dispute) can often see possible alternative solutions that those in the dispute cannot see.
We need help keeping self-interest in its proper place. We need help in remaining faithful to God and His Word. We need help in remembering that the relationship is far more valuable than our personal sense of approval/self-esteem, control, justice, and/or acceptance/love. We need help in persevering until the conflict is resolved in a manner that preserves the relationship and settles the dispute. Conflict tests our trust in God and His Word to work well enough to protect our interests. Conflict tests our trust in the other person’s desire to be fair. Conflict tempts us to return to old “sinful” methods of survival - methods which protect our own interests and promote our own happiness first and foremost. We need help to pass these tests and resist these temptations.
WHY ALL THIS FUSS
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS?
You will not be inclined to make it your life’s aim to resolve conflicts and strengthen relationships if you are self-centered.
But neither will you be motivated to work out your differences with others in a way that promotes and protects relationships if you do not highly value relationships.
Now you cannot be self-centered and value relationships at the same time. But neither can you love as God calls you to love and regard relationships as expendable, disposable, or of less value than your interests and well-being.
So make it your aim to love enough to value relationships enough to be motivated enough to resolve conflict for the sake of protecting and strengthening the relationships you have.
IN YOUR OWN WORDS
Summarize what God has done to promote relationships in our world.
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Why is love vital to the promotion and protection of relationships?
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Revised 2020