Though
unbelief in the goodness of God and the reliability of God’s
Word
is the root of sin, pride-driven selfishness is its sustaining
lifeblood.
Upon
concluding we know better than God what is best for
us, we begin moving away from God and rejecting at least some of what
the Bible
says about how to live. From there, we take matters into our own hands
and
begin working things out according to what we believe best serves our
interests, satisfies our desires, meets our needs, and makes us happy.
This is pride-driven selfishness, and it always leads to sin.
Therefore,
though distrust of God is the root of sin, pride-driven selfishness is
the lifeblood of sin. For example, it is
the pride
of thinking we know more than God about what is best for us that leads
to
believing that selfishness – at least in some situations
– is better than love
and that sin is better than godliness.
Choosing
selfishness doesn’t mean we don’t know the
difference between right and wrong. It means we are unwilling to think
in terms
of right and wrong because such thinking might get in the way of what
we want
or believe we need.
In
the same way, choosing selfishness doesn’t mean we
don’t know the difference between love and selfishness, for
we prove what we
know by how we respond to those who selfishly hurt us or make our lives
more
difficult. However, when love gets in the way of what we want, we treat
it as
impractical or unrealistic given the circumstances and turn to
selfishness
because we can bend it to our wishes.
Consider
how this truth played out in Adam and Eve’s
first experience with sin. First, they stopped trusting God to provide
them
with all they needed to have a happy, satisfying, secure life. Second,
they
assumed they knew better than God about what was best for them. Third,
they
stopped thinking about right and wrong in relation to loving everyone
who might
be affected by their choices and behavior. Fourth, they began
rationalizing and
justifying the reasonableness of doing what they knew was wrong. In
fact, they
went too far in their prideful, selfish thinking that they concluded
the
best
thing to do was to do what God had told them would kill them.
And
what was the result of their sin? We have all
suffered immeasurably and unnecessarily. We’ve lost the
perfect life in the
perfect environment where a face-to-face relationship with God was a
daily
occurrence. We suffer the burden of hard and sometimes fruitless work
to
survive. Women endure pain in childbirth. We face the challenges of
nature and
the destructiveness of natural disasters. Our bodies are attacked by
injuries,
diseases, illnesses, and infirmities. Our minds are affected by evil
thoughts,
fears, discouragement, depression, and insanity. We grow old, only to
suffer
the ailments and disabilities of old age. We die, and often it is not a
pleasant death. In other words, we live under the influence, the power,
and the
destructive consequences of sin because of their choice to sin.
Adam
and Eve choose self-gratification over the interests
of God, the welfare of their children, and the future well-being of all
mankind. But, you may ask, why not? If the most powerful being in the
universe
cannot be trusted to promote or protect our good, should we not take
matters
into our own hands and do what we think is best for ourselves?
Never!!
No one can distrust God and take matters into his
own hands to seek his own good without turning from humility to pride
and from
that which is true love to that which is truly selfish.
The reality is, in whatever way or area of life you distrust God, in that way or area you will assume you know more than God and you will become self-centered in order to do for yourself what you believe God can’t or won’t do for you. In doing for yourself what you believe God can’t or won’t do for you, you will make the good of self your priority and allow the good of others to become a lesser concern. Therefore, you will neglect or jeopardize the good of others through your efforts to promote and protect your own interests. This is pride-driven selfishness – which is the lifeblood of sin.
More Examples of Pride-Driven Selfishness
After
forty years of wandering in the desert, Israel was
finally ready to enter the Promised Land. The first obstacle facing
them was
Jericho – a huge, walled, fortress-like city. Lacking a
well-trained army and
the weapons to defeat such a city, Israel needed a miracle. Joshua,
Israel’s
leader, went to God. God told Joshua to have the Israelites march
around
Jericho once a day for six days. On the seventh day they were to march
around
the city seven times. After the seventh time, seven priests were to
blow one
long blast on their trumpets. When the trumpets sounded the Israelites
were to
give forth a great shout, and the walls of Jericho would fall down.
When
the Israelites had marched around Jericho the
seventh time on the seventh day, Joshua reminded them that Jericho and
all that
was in it belonged to the Lord. Every inhabitant of the city was to be
destroyed, except Rahab and those who lived with her. All the gold,
silver,
bronze, and iron were to be turned over to the treasury of the Lord.
Everything
else was to be left behind. Joshua warned them that if anyone disobeyed
and
took anything for themselves, it would bring God’s punishment
on the whole camp
of Israel. Then the priests blew their trumpets, the people shouted,
the walls
of Jericho fell flat, and the Israelites took the city.
In
taking the city the Israelites discovered great
wealth, but they followed God’s directions and turned it in
to the treasury of
the Lord, with one exception. Achan, an Israelite soldier, kept a
beautiful
robe, five pounds of silver, and 1 1/4 pounds of gold for
himself. He had
heard the warning. He knew that the consequences would mean trouble for
all of
Israel. But thinking he could hide his sin, and in so doing outsmart
God, he
chose to improve his financial situation at the risk of jeopardizing
the
well-being of every other Israelite.
God’s
punishment on Israel for Achan’s sin was the
withdrawal of His power and protection in battle. As a result, they
were sent
running in retreat in their next attempt at overthrowing a city, and
thirty-six
soldiers lost their lives. Upon finding out whose sin had brought this
punishment from God on Israel, they put Achan and his entire family to
death.
(Note: Joshua 6:15-7:26)
This
may seem unnecessarily harsh since Achan didn’t take
very much. And it wasn’t as if he committed murder or
adultery. He was simply
trying to improve his financial situation so he could get a good start
in a new
homeland. What is so bad about that? Why would God make such a big deal
out of
such a seemingly small sin? To get a clearer picture of the size of
Achan’s
sin, consider its effect on others.
Second,
sin always starts small, but grows to devastating
proportions. Achan took what belonged to God when he took the robe,
silver, and
gold from Jericho. It may not have been much, but it reflects his
attitude
toward God and his fellowmen – an attitude which is
arrogantly self-centered. A
person steals because he believes the gratification of his needs or
wants are
more important than the happiness and well-being of the one he is
stealing
from. A person steals because he believes his needs or wants give him
the right
to take that which belongs to another. A person steals because he
believes it is
better for the one stolen from to unjustly suffer loss than for him to
endure
the unpleasantness of doing without something he needs or wants.
Therefore, if
Achan would think so little of God as to steal from Him, what would
stop him
from stealing from his fellow Israelites? And though he stole a small
amount
this time, wouldn’t the fact that he profited and got away
with it prompt him
to steal more the next time, and the next time, and the next time?
Because
stealing from God reveals a contemptuous, arrogantly self-centered
attitude
toward all humanity, and because sin grows, all Israel was faced with a
growing
threat to their well-being. Therefore, Achan’s sin was
humongous.
Third,
sin always victimizes one or more people who had
nothing to do with the sin. Thirty-six Israeli soldiers unjustly and
unnecessarily lost their lives. They were not given a choice in the
matter,
they were victims of Achan’s sin. But the cost to others did
not stop there.
Among these thirty-six men were husbands, fathers, and first-born sons.
This
means the families who lost these men lost someone they loved and who
was vital
to their well-being. Again, these families were not given a choice in
the
matter. These families were left in a saddened, crippled condition
– not
because of some wrong or foolish thing they had done, but because of
Achan’s
sin. Therefore, from the victim’s viewpoint,
Achan’s sin was humongous.
Pride
and selfishness, though socially acceptable in many
instances and seemingly insignificant in many situations, are a
devastating
curse which causes incalculable and often irreparable harm to victim
and sinner
alike.
Tanya
wanted to be loved because it made her feel so
good. To satisfy her want she developed a relationship with Steven, a
fellow
who wanted to be loved, too. Their relationship grew from joking and
superficial conversation to sharing deeply personal things. They went
from
casual friendship to believing they were meant for each other. Tanya
and Steven
had finally found someone with whom they felt safe and comfortable;
someone who
made them feel special and sought after; someone who made them feel
really
good.
But
Tanya and Steven were married – and not to each
other. They brushed aside this fact as they pursued love and intimacy
with each
other. They ignored the fact that they were on a course that would
cause their
spouses, children, and extended family needless pain. They overlooked
the fact
that they claimed to be Christians and that their actions would bring
shame on
the name of God and His church. What they didn’t neglect was
their desire to
feel good. In their quest, they went so far as to became sexually
involved with
each other. In time, their affair became public knowledge.
Tanya
and Steven were not children, or even young adults.
Both were old enough to know better even though they didn’t
do better. However,
both criticized their spouses for not loving them the way they wanted
to be
loved. Both clearly stated how they wanted to be loved and what their
spouses
needed to change in order to give love them that way. In other words,
they were
able to identify selfish behavior in others and the consequences of
that
selfish behavior on them – which proves they had a good idea
of right and wrong
in a marriage relationship. Yet both of them selfishly pursued their
own
gratification without concern for the unnecessary and unjust damage
they would
do to their spouses, their families, their Church, and to the name of
God.
You
may think Tanya and Steven are horrible sinners – and
they are. You probably feel certain you would never do such a thing
yourself –
and maybe you wouldn’t. Yet they are no worse than the rest
of us. Why? Because
the same distrust of God and pride-driven selfishness motivates some of
our
choices and behavior. Like them, there are situations and times when we
think
we know more than God about what is best for us, and because we do, we
choose
selfishness over the good of others, needlessly hurting them in the
process.
Peg
grew up in a Christian home, and for the most part
had a good childhood. She married, had four children, and continued to
attend
Church with some regularity. She said she believed in God, loved her
children,
and wanted to love her husband – but he was not so easy to
love. He kept asking
her to do things – like care about him, parent the children
better, be more
responsible with household duties, and show as much interest in the
good of
their family as she did in her crafts and her friends.
After
years of making the same requests and seeing almost
no progress, he felt deeply discouraged and genuinely unloved. In
frustration
and hurt he turned mean around the house and began looking for love and
happiness outside the home. Yet Peg continued to live what appeared to
be a
naive, blind to reality, it’s not my fault, he’s
the bad guy, kind of life. She
clearly saw his faults (and he had many), but she
would not look at her
own. She wanted him to change, but she would not take seriously her
need to
change. She knew what was right when it came to his treatment of her
but she
would not honestly examine her behavior to see if she was doing what
was right
when it came to her treatment of him. The truth is, Peg was as much the
cause
of suffering in their home as her husband.
Why
would such a seemingly nice person like Peg, who was
liked by her friends and pitied by all who heard her side of the story,
continue to do so much damage to her marriage and family? Because Peg
hated
conflict, discord, facing personal faults and failures, or any other
thing that
might make her look bad and result in disapproval and rejection. She
wanted to
feel accepted and loved by all, all the time. If she had to overlook
the truth
about herself, she did. If she could avoid dealing with conflicts in an
effort
to resolve them, she did. If she had to explain away some of her
choices and
behaviors or deny doing anything wrong by claiming to have had good
intentions,
she did – and all in an effort to ensure being accepted and
loved. Yet sadly,
her efforts to keep as many people as possible happy with her resulted
in
hurting her husband and damaging their relationship.
Peg
was prideful, selfish, and self-deceived. She was as
prideful and selfish as any of the others in the preceding examples,
for she
was as willing as they to think she knew better than God, push Him and
His ways
aside, and go her own way for the sake of personal happiness. But then,
is Peg
that much different than the rest of us?
The
opposite of selfishness is love. Selfishness seeks
the good of self to the neglect of or at the expense of the good of
others.
Love seeks the good of everyone affected in any way by its choices and
behavior. And should the good of others require it, love will promote
or
protect their good to the point of sacrificing its own good, even if it
means
losing its life.
Selfishness
believes we must make our own happiness and
well-being a priority in order to get the happiness, satisfaction,
riches,
security, and recognition we deserve in life. Love believes we must
make the
good of God and the well-being of others a priority so everyone,
including us,
can get the things we all deserve in life.
Selfishness
is based on the premise that we must look out
for our own good, first and foremost, because no one else seems willing
or able
to do it in the way it needs to be done, and we
know what is best for us
better than anyone else. Love is based on the premise that it is
perfectly safe
to make the good of others equal to or greater than the good of self,
because
God, who is greater than ourselves, is devoted to promoting and
protecting our
good, and God knows what is best for us better than
anyone else. .
This
is an important point. It is our nature to love only
as far as we can ensure the good of self, according to our ideas of
what the
good of self is. If we are to love others as much as ourselves, we need
someone
wiser and greater than ourselves to ensure our good so we can
unselfishly
promote and protect the good of others. Therefore, to love others as
ourselves
we must be convinced that God has sufficient power, wisdom, ability,
and the
commitment to look out for our good. Then, we must be convinced that
God is
using and will use His power, wisdom, and ability to promote and
protect our
good in every situation – even when we put our own well-being
at risk in doing
good for others. Finally, we must act on our faith by placing ourselves
in
God’s hands as we make the good of others equal to or greater
than the good of
self.
Because
God’s love is unwaveringly perfect, because His
power is infinite, because His wisdom is unchallengeable, and His
father’s
heart unequaled, He is the one being who naturally has what it takes to
be our
provider and protector. Because He guarantees we can never seek the
good of
others at a cost to self greater than what He will cover, we are free
to love
without fear for our own well-being. Truly, we can never out-love
God’s love
for us. We can never out-give God’s giving to us. Whatever it
costs us to love
others, God replenishes, and then some. Therefore, we are free to love
others
without fear of what such a denial of self might cost because God
’s provision
and protection is sufficient to cover any cost incurred.
To
better understand what selfishness is, it is important
to understand what it isn’t. We are not selfish when we want
food, clothing,
shelter, good health, education, transportation, or any other thing
needful and
beneficial for living a full and satisfying life. We are not selfish if
we
desire to satisfy our natural appetites, passions, and impulses. We are
not
selfish when we want to be loved and accepted. We are not selfish when
we want
a loving, happy family, a safe neighborhood, a good community in which
to raise
children, and a nation where the people are free to do what is right.
We are
not selfish when we desire to have employment which pays a livable
wage. We are
not selfish if we want to avoid unnecessary and unjust frustration,
hardship,
injury, pain, or physical need. We are not selfish if we desire to be
happy.
All these wants and desires are a normal part of the human life. It is
not
selfish to want to satisfy them.
However,
if in seeking to satisfy a normal desire we
disregard the good of God and/or harm others in some way, we turn a
normal
desire into a selfish desire.
For
example, the desire for food is a normal desire given
to us by God for our good. The purpose of food is to strengthen our
body. The
pleasure of taste is an added bonus, making a necessary task an
enjoyable task.
If we over-eat for the pleasure of eating so that we grow fat while
others go
hungry, we turn something good into something selfish. We go from
satisfying
our appetite to gratifying our taste buds. We also turn something good
into
something selfish when we use the pleasure of eating to ease the pain
of bad
experiences, distance us from our sorrow, and avoid dealing with our
depression. In such cases, we turn from responsibly dealing with the
difficulties of life to trying to off-set or compensate for our
problems
through mind-numbing pleasure.
The
desire for security is as normal as the desire for
food. True security is found in God and comes from God. His intention
is for us
to make Him our first and foremost source of security so that we do not
resort
to excessive, self-centered, fear-driven, irrational, and
relationship-damaging
solutions when feeling insecure from real or imagined threats to our
present or
future well-being.
If
we make a secure job with good benefits with an
established company our first and foremost source of financial
security, we
turn something good into something selfish. Seeking security through
employment
(instead of God) leads to the neglect of important
relationships (lack
of time for God, family, other Christians), curtailing
evangelism (can’t
do it at work, don’t have enough time after work),
and compromising what we
know is right (so as not to lose advancement or the job itself).
Seeking
financial security against possible future needs
through savings accounts, insurance policies, and retirement funds
leads to
ungenerous or grudging support of current or imminent needs –
such as local and
world missions, food for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and shelter
for the
homeless.
Making
your first and foremost source of security the use
of control over others may protect you from being taken advantage of or
victimized, but it also leads to coercing or manipulating people into
doing
what we want.
God
wants us to be secure, but looking for security in
wrong places or in wrong ways feeds self-centered behavior. Real,
lasting
security comes from putting our lives in God’s hands and
living according to
His Word – regardless of the circumstances. It comes from
trusting God to be
our provider and protector so we are not hindered from seeking His good
and the
well-being of others by taking matters into our own hands and pursuing
security
apart from God.
Selfish
gratification travels the descending path from
bad to worse. However small or innocently we begin, self-gratification
compels
us to use unnatural means to satisfy normal desires. This is true of
the
alcoholic, the drug addict, the sexually promiscuous, the homosexual,
the
rapist, the child molester, those involved in pornography, those
involved in
witchcraft, the tyrant (be he the ruler of a nation or the
bully in his home),
the murderer, the physically or emotionally abusive, the gossip, the
thief, the
swindler, the jealous, the one who delights in getting even, the
conceited, the
chronic liar, the businessman who behaves like Scrooge, the employee
who cheats
his employer, and the one who causes or fuels dissension and strife. If
we find
ourselves satisfying normal desires, God-given desires, and
intrinsically
unselfish desires through unnatural means it is because we have become
self-centered in our pursuits.
The
focus and benefits of selfishness make it very
appealing. For example, looking out for our own interests seems much
wiser than
entrusting our happiness and well-being to someone we at the very least
partially distrust – such as God. And we like the
satisfaction of getting what
we want, when we want it. We get excited over the possibility of one
more
acquisition, one more moment of pleasure, one more time for things to
go our
way, a little more power, a lot more luxury, added income, bigger
savings,
better returns on our investments, and a more secure future. We
treasure quick
and sure ways to thwart or get even with people who try to use us,
abuse us,
cheat us, or beat us for their own selfish ends. We value being able to
do what
we please, when we please, as we please. And as young and old have
figured out,
selfishness makes a lot of things possible which are not possible when
loving
others as ourselves.
However,
there is a truth about selfishness that is too
often ignored. The benefits of selfishness are temporary while the
damage and
suffering caused by selfishness last a long time – and
sometimes forever.
Every
selfish act contains at least one seed of
destruction. Each seed produces a two-headed monster. One head turns on
us, adding
to our woes. The second head turns on those affected by our
selfishness,
robbing them of what is rightfully theirs and adding to their woes.
In
other words, we cannot act selfishly without creating
more problems for ourselves. These added problems may not show up for
some
time, but they will show up and do their devastating work in our lives.
And
we cannot act selfishly without creating victims of
our selfishness, without bringing unnecessary suffering into the lives
of those
affected by our selfishness. And sadly, the victims of our selfishness
are most
often those closest to us. Yet the circle often spreads beyond them and
can
include those who are out of our sight – those we
don’t know and those we will
never know.
Dale
is a top-notch car salesman making lots of money.
He’s good! He’s so good he used his sales
techniques to talk his wife into what
he wanted for himself, or what he decided was best for her. At first he
lived
like a king, oblivious to the effect his methods were having on his
wife. But
one day, she rebelled. She was through with being manipulated and used.
She was
deeply wounded, bitter, and in a state of despair. The man she loved
enough to
marry turned out to be so selfish that he deliberately and continuously
tried
to manipulate and control her for his own benefit. Their marriage
almost ended
in divorce before he admitted to his selfishness and its destructive
effect on
his marriage. Without a doubt, he enjoyed the fruit of his selfishness
for a
time. But as he himself now admits, the benefits gained during his few
years of
pleasure could never offset the pain of a damaged relationship or the
cost in
time, effort, and money to rebuild that relationship to one of mutual
love and
trust.
In
the long run, the benefits of selfishness are always
out-weighed by the destructive consequences brought about by
selfishness. And
truly, the costliest consequence is the damage done to relationships
–
especially those relationships we consider near and dear.
We
may gain the whole world by selfishly pursuing the
good of self, but we can never gain someone’s love. True love
cannot be bought,
demanded, finagled, or forced. It must be voluntarily and cheerfully
given to
be mutually meaningful and satisfying to the one being loved. No
mutually
loving, mutually satisfying relationship can be one sided. It takes two
people
committed to the good of each other to give life and durability to a
shared
relationship of love and trust. A selfish focus on our needs and wants
destroys
the possibility of sharing in a mutually loving, satisfying
relationship.
When
it came to things, Jason had almost everything a
person could want. He had a huge home, three cars, a pretty wife,
good-looking
children, fine clothes, a high paying job, the latest in gadgetry and
technology, a cottage, a boat, four snowmobiles, two motorcycles, and
many
other things that people wish for. He got a lot of gratification from
his
possessions, but he never felt satisfied. In fact, he was angry and
depressed
most of the time. Few people saw it because he hid it behind the facade
of
enjoying all his possessions and adult toys. Yet his anger and
depression were
like a monster on his back which he could not shake off.
Why
was he so angry and depressed? Jason longed to be
loved. Many claimed to be his friend, yet he shared no bonds of
intimacy with
anyone. He had no relationships of mutual love and trust –
not even in his own
home. Though surrounded by people, he felt alone and unloved. It was
his own
fault. He was so self-centered that he made the people in his life feel
as if
they were things to be used, not people to be loved. It isn’t
as if he had no
concern for others. It is just that looking out for the good of others
ordinarily took second place to looking out for his good and getting
what he
wanted. Put simply, Jason had no relationships of shared love and trust
because
he focused on taking, not giving. It is true, he enjoyed many pleasures
and
benefits as a result of his selfishness. However, in selfishly seeking
his own
good he lost out on one of the most valuable and satisfying thing of
all – an
intimate relationship of communion and companionship based on mutual
love and
trust where both parties know they are cherished and secure.
Why
do we so eagerly sabotage our lives, damage valued
relationships, hurt those dearest to us, and bring unnecessary
suffering into
the lives of people who have done nothing to us to deserve such misery?
Distrust of God and pride-driven selfishness. But why do we go on and
on
ignoring the obvious consequences of our selfishness? Because it gets
us what
we want, or at least promises to get us what we want when we want it!
Yet we
are ruining our own lives in the process! Don’t we care!?!
Yes, but that concern
is pushed aside by our pursuit of the good life as defined by our
fleshly
desires, ungodly values, irrational fears, the allurement of worldly
pleasures
and possessions, and our beliefs about what is best for us.
Like
metal to a magnet, we are attracted to immediate
gratification. We want what we want, right now. The fact that the devil
used the
allurement of immediate gratification when he tempted Eve in the
Garden, and
Jesus in the wilderness, testifies to its powerful, universal appeal.
(Note:
Genesis 3:1-6, Luke 4:1-13)
To
better identify selfishly gained immediate
gratification, consider its several common forms. It often looks like
an
expedient short-cut which significantly reduces the time it usually
takes to
get what we want. Examples of this would be the involvement in sexual
activity
outside of marriage instead of waiting until marriage, appeasing others
to
avoid conflict and maintain a semblance of peace, participating in
questionable
or outright dishonest business practices to gain a promotion or
increase
profits, and using domineering or manipulative tactics to make others
do what
we want.
Another
form of selfishly gained immediate gratification
looks like the ideal quick-fix for a difficult problem. Examples of
this would
be divorce, returning evil for evil in an effort to stop evil, faking
or
outright lying to protect ourselves from unwanted shame or loss, and
blaming
others as the cause of our misbehavior.
Sometimes
selfishly gained immediate gratification takes
the form of pleasure that numbs us to such things as physical or
emotional
pain, bad feelings, disturbing memories, or fears. Examples of this
would be
excessive drinking of alcoholic beverages, taking mind-altering drugs,
overeating, getting lost in a hobby, extravagant buying, and excessive
television viewing, video gaming, or social media and internet use.
Selfishly
gained immediate gratification can look like
passive or aggressive behavior that is used to shield us from the
unwanted or
unpleasant things of life. Examples of this on the passive side would
be
withdrawal (becoming reclusive), silence, pouting,
secretiveness,
appeasement, procrastination, and unexplained uncooperativeness.
Examples of
this on the aggressive side would be grumbling, screaming, threatening,
abusive
anger, blaming, and criticizing. We use these kinds of manipulative,
controlling tactics to pressure people into giving us what we want,
now.
Selfishly
gained immediate gratification always looks to
us like our only hope when it seems God is failing or has failed us in
some
way. When we are suffering because of unmet needs, burdened by the
misery of
physical afflictions, struggling against injustice, broken-hearted by
the pain
of rejection, feeling abused, afraid, discouraged, or longing to
indulge
ourselves with some pleasure or possession that has been out of our
reach for a
while, we turn to selfishness because it seems at the moment to be the
most
efficient, reliable, and quick way to solve our problems and get what
we want.
Therefore,
when we are convinced God is not providing the
protection or provision we need, our desire for immediate gratification
motivates us to deliberately choose selfishness as the most expedient
means of
dealing with our unmet needs and wants.
However,
do not be seduced by the appeal of immediate
gratification. It has one major flaw. It denies a reality that
over-shadows its
benefits. Selfish choices and behavior always give birth to some form
of
destructive consequences. And, these destructive consequences make our
life,
and the lives of everyone affected by our selfishness worse than they
were
before we acted selfishly.
PINOCCHIO
is the story of a
puppet who was changed into a real live boy through a two-step process.
He was
given certain human qualities at first, but he had to remain a wooden
boy until
he could prove he was brave, unselfish, and able to tell right from
wrong.
Since he was not yet fully human, he had no conscience, so Jiminy
Cricket was
given that role in Pinocchio’s life.
The
sly fox, Foulfellow, was Pinocchio’s tempter.
Pinocchio’s first temptation took place on his way to school.
Foulfellow
stopped him and told Pinocchio that he should not waste his time in
school.
According to Foulfellow, the wisest thing Pinocchio could do would be
to use
his talents on the stage where there would be bright lights, the roar
of
applause, and fame – things which would certainly be more fun
than school.
Pinocchio was so enthralled with the thought of stardom that he went
with
Foulfellow, who sold him to the carnival man, Stromboli. That very
night
Pinocchio got his applause and stardom. But he also got locked in a
cage after
the show and threatened with being used as firewood if he
didn’t continue to
perform for Stromboli.
Now
take notice. Pinocchio got the promised gratification
he selfishly sought, but he also got problems he never would have had
had he
done the right thing and gone to school. The same thing happens to us
when we
selfishly choose immediate gratification over what we know is right.
Meanwhile,
Foulfellow was making a deal with Barker, an
evil man who enticed boys to Pleasure Island where he turned them into
donkeys
for use in his salt mines. Foulfellow agreed to help Barker find some
boys for
Pleasure Island. Pinocchio, who by now had been freed from the clutches
of
Stromboli, was the first one Foulfellow met. It wasn’t long
before he was
talking Pinocchio into a trip to Pleasure Island by telling him the
island was
filled with games, toys, and all the candy he could eat. Besides all
that,
there was no parent or boss there to tell Pinocchio what to do.
By
nightfall, Pinocchio reached the island. It was like
an enormous amusement park. Gorging himself on the pleasures that
surrounded
him, Pinocchio was unaware that he was turning into a donkey for use as
slave
labor in Barker’s salt mines. When Jiminy Cricket realized
what was happening,
he tried to warn Pinocchio of the impending disaster. Pinocchio would
not
listen. He refused to believe that Barker, the generous provider of all
this
fun, had evil motives. In his deluded condition he would not believe
that bad
could come from something that seemed so good. Yet Pinocchio was
sprouting
donkey’s ears and a donkey’s tail.
Once
again, take notice. To get the pleasure he wanted,
Pinocchio ignored his conscience. He overlooked the obvious
discrepancies in
what he was told about Pleasure Island (do
anything you want
without consequences). He refused to question the motives of
its owner.
Pinocchio was closing his eyes to the reality of his circumstances and
his
impending doom. Numbed by the immediate benefits of his choices, he was
unaware
he was becoming the last thing any of us would want to be – a
donkey headed for
slave labor in dark caverns under the earth. Yet do we not, too often,
act just
like Pinocchio?
Consider
Foulfellow’s methods. He got Pinocchio to
selfishly do what he knew was wrong by convincing him he could
significantly
and immediately improve his life. Foulfellow made himself believable by
presenting himself as sincerely concerned about the happiness and
well-being of
Pinocchio. Yet when the truth was revealed, it was evident Foulfellow
cared
only about himself. He devised evil schemes to exploit and ultimately
destroy
Pinocchio so he, Foulfellow, could gratify his own selfish desires for
profit
and pleasure.
Satan,
his co-workers, and all others who tempt us to
sin, be they human or demonic in nature, are similar to the evil
characters in
the story about Pinocchio. They act as if they are sincerely interested
in our
well-being. They seem sympathetic when they come to us in our time of
need or
discouragement or anxiety or insecurity or discontent. Concern for our
happiness seems to ooze from their every pore. Their call to
self-centeredness
seems so rational and reasonable. They sound so sensible and kind when
promising tremendous pleasures, huge profits, enviable possessions,
popularity,
power, acceptance and approval, bulletproof security, or anything else
our
selfish heart desires if we will but do as they say. Yet they care
nothing
about our good.
They
are completely self-centered – solely interested in
using us to gratify their own desires. More than that, they are forever
devising evil schemes that will enable them to use us, and indeed ruin
us to
get the happiness and fulfillment they seek. And sadly, to our shame
and
ruination, we are so dazzled by the benefits of immediate gratification
that we
willingly and eagerly do what we know is wrong – even at the
expense of those
we claim to love the most.
Plainly
put, one of sin’s most powerful attractions to
our self-centeredness is immediate gratification. Getting what we want,
now,
can seem so right and good, so deserved and satisfying that we are
easily
tempted to use selfish and sinful means to gain the satisfaction we
seek. If we
fail to see this, we will fail to see much of the sin that is in our
lives.
Therefore,
don’t be blinded by the lie. The benefits of
selfishly-based, immediate gratification are temporary while the damage
and
suffering last a long time – and in some cases, forever.
Therefore, do not live
contrary to God’s Word and reason. Do not do what is ungodly,
illogical, and
irrational. Do not think yourself wiser than God, for following the
path of
immediate gratification always leads to loss and destruction.
Self-centered
people rarely get up in the morning
admitting they are willfully and intentionally selfish. They are not
inclined
to admit they routinely resort to the ways of selfishness to get what
they
want. In fact, they’ll get indignantly defensive or even
angry if asked to
admit they cherish the benefits of selfishness more than the good of
others,
including those they claim to love. This kind of dishonesty is far too
common.
However, denying our selfishness does not make us less selfish, nor
does it
make the consequences less painful to those experiencing the effects of
our
selfishness.
How
is it that we so easily convince ourselves that we
are not selfish when we are? Simply put, we think of ourselves as good
people
trying to do what is best for ourselves in a world where too many
others are
trying to take advantage of us or neglecting us. Consider the following
examples.
Many
of us have hurts from the past. Most often, those
nearest and dearest, those we should have been able to trust the most
have hurt
us the most. Because the pain cuts deep, we determine to protect
ourselves from
being hurt again – and especially from being hurt by someone
who holds a
position of importance in our life (i.e., parents, spouse,
sibling, child,
close friend, teacher, co-worker, employer).
Therefore,
to keep from being hurt again, we make
self-protection the overriding goal in every relationship where we
think there
is the possibility of being hurt. One way we do this is to keep
important
relationships shallow enough to end them, relatively pain free, at a
moment's
notice should that be what it takes to keep from being hurt again.
Another way
we do this is to quickly push back (i.e., anger, silent
treatment, threats,
pulling away) when we pick up even a hint of being hurt by
the other
person.
However,
this sets up a contradiction of reality. On the
one hand, we want to be loved – intimately, deeply,
vibrantly, freely. On the
other hand, we want to protect ourselves from being hurt by the ones we
want
love from. So we work against the intimacy, depth, and vibrancy we long
for by
keeping the relationship shallow. Or we stifle or even prevent the
growth of
intimacy, depth, and vibrancy by using such things as anger, the silent
treatment, threats, or pulling away to protect ourselves when a real or
even an
assumed threat of being hurt appears.
Are
we intentionally sabotaging the very thing we want
from a relationship with those nearest and dearest? Yes and no. Yes in
that we
are intentionally protecting ourselves from being hurt again, and in so
doing
we are using selfish and therefore relationship damaging methods. And
no in
that we don’t want to damage these relationships, yet we
thoughtlessly do
because feeling good – as opposed to feeling hurt –
is of greater concern than
nurturing and maintaining a meaningful, mutually satisfying
relationship with
someone.
Think
about this: who’s good are you seeking when you do
this? Only your own. Yet most of us do not see this as a form of
selfishness.
To us, it is good judgment. We are simply protecting ourselves from
being hurt
and ensuring our own pleasure and happiness. So we deceive ourselves
into
believing our wall of self-protection is a wall of good intentions and
not the
wall of selfishness it really is.
Another
common way we deny selfishness in the pursuit of
pleasure is in the pursuit of money and the accumulation of
possessions. Think
about this: who’s good are we promoting and protecting when
we do this? Our
own? Yes! Our family’s? Most likely. God’s?
Possibly, yet if so, then
marginally. Our neighbor’s or co-worker’s? Only a
little if any at all. The
poor and disenfranchised in our community and nation, or in third world
countries? Once again, only a little if any at all. Yet it is rare to
see this
as selfishness. Most often it is seen as building a secure future,
caring for
our families, fulfilling our dreams, and even enjoying God’s
blessings which He
especially bestows on those He favors. And so we deceive ourselves into
believing that some or even many of our efforts at gaining pleasure
through
money and possessions are efforts of good intentions and not the
efforts of
selfishness they really are.
Because
pleasure is exactly that – pleasurable, many of
us treat the pursuit of pleasure as a serious hobby. We see ourselves
as doing
nothing more than reaching for those pleasures which are rightfully
ours. Yet
we ignore the fact that our pleasure-seeking pursuits are too often
excessive,
destructive to our health, financially costly beyond reason, and
damaging to
our most important relationships. Why? We want to believe that our
interest in
and pursuit of pleasure is within the boundaries of good intentions and
personal rights.
It
seems that few are eager to be honest with themselves.
We would rather see ourselves as good people with good intentions. We
want to
be considerate, honest, moral, conscientious, loving, and kind. And we
would be
that way, all the time, if it weren’t for other
people’s frustrating, unjust,
hurtful, vile, or wicked behavior. The reality is, most of us believe
noble
motives and loving behavior are important, but only so far as they do
not
hinder us from obtaining what we think will make us happy and ensure a
sense of
well-being. The problem is not that our selfishness is so difficult to
discover. The problem is that we do not want to see it.
At
least ninety-nine percent of the time we have some
purpose for choosing what we choose, and doing what we do. We can
discover our
purpose by looking at the patterns and/or the timing of our choices and
behavior. To find the patterns and/or the timing, we must look at those
choices
and behaviors that are repetitive, that we do again and again. As we
examine
the pattern and/or timing, we begin to discover the purpose, or our
true
intent.
After
several years of marriage, I memorized and
meditated on James 3:2-12. This prompted me to listen to the way I
talked to my
wife. Within three to four weeks it became obvious that I regularly
used
sarcasm and object lessons (or what I called editorial comments)
to
communicate my frustrations, disappointments, and dislikes about her to
her. (An
object lesson is using a situation or a comment she made as a point of
reference to redirect her attention to faults in herself that bothered
me.)
I wasn’t forceful, as in strong anger and a loud voice. But I
was persistent.
As
I examined the patterns of sarcasm and object lessons,
I realized my purpose was to control her. I was persistently using
sarcasm and
object lessons to push her into doing things my way. I wasn’t
screaming and
threatening, but I was selfishly sinning against her just the same. I
wanted my
way, and I was willing to get it at her expense. The repetitiveness of
my
behavior revealed the patterns, the patterns revealed my purpose, and
my
purpose showed how self-centered I was.
But
maybe you don’t have an aggressive nature like me.
You may be more easy-going, like the passive type person who seems
noble at
first glance. He is always smoothing out the rough spots in
relationships,
guarding his words, and even putting conciliatory twists on the hostile
words
and deeds of others. He continuously works for peace and avoids
conflict
whenever possible. He hates arguments, strong words, put-downs, and
angry outbursts.
He appears to be a sensitive soul who doesn’t want to upset
anyone.
Is
he this way because he’s committed to the good of
others? No! He’s protecting himself from two of his greatest
fears – rejection
and the loss of a peaceful setting. And what makes him feel rejected
– and
therefore unloved? Or what makes him feel the loss of peace? Being the
brunt
of, or in the midst of criticism, harsh words, anger, and conflict. So
he tries
to gain acceptance and keep a peaceful environment by continuously
appeasing
those around him.
Does
he appease them because he loves them and wants what
is best for them? No! He appeases them in the hope all will be peaceful
between
he and them. This false sense of peace he interprets as love and
acceptance. Do
his methods promote intimacy and trust between himself and those he is
in
relationship with? No! It frustrates them because he won’t
work through
differences and resolve conflicts with them – things that in
the doing would
make the relationship better. In fact, his methods ultimately convince
them he
doesn’t really love them. Could he see the truth about
himself? Yes, if he
would honestly examine the intent of his easy-going, passive approach
to life.
Once
we have discovered the purpose of our choices and
behavior, we can move toward considering the consequences of our
choices and
behavior on others and ourselves. Consequences further expose our
motives,
revealing the selfishness or selflessness that is active within us.
Love
not only does no wrong to anyone (Romans 10:13), it
seeks the good of everyone (Mark 12:31). In contrast, selfishness does
wrong to
anyone it must to advance its own cause. Therefore, the consequences of
our
choices and behavior, both immediate and future, on others and
ourselves, exposes
our true motives. But remember, when examining consequences, you are
looking
for your repetitive patterns of choices and behavior, not the
exceptions,
because it is the repetitive patterns that most accurately reveal your
true
motives.
Immediate
consequences can be discovered by looking at
the immediate gains and losses from what we are saying and/or doing. If
we are
the major beneficiary while others are forced to endure what they do
not want
to endure, our motive is selfish. If the good of others –
which may include us
– is the predominant result, our motive is love.
The
long-term consequences can be discovered by asking
what future loss or gain will likely be experienced as a result of what
we are
saying and/or doing. If we are feeding bad habits, damaging
relationships,
unnecessarily hurting others, doing what is contrary to the Word of
God, and/or
dishonoring God in the public eye, we can be sure our motive is
selfish. If we
are nurturing current relationships, growing in godliness and maturity,
serving
the good of others, striving to repair damaged relationships, trying to
build
new relationships, and giving people cause to see God as good, we can
presume
our motive is love.
To
confirm what we discover about ourselves we ought to
ask those affected by our choices and behavior how we are affecting
them. If
they are not available, we should put ourselves in their place and ask
how we
would feel if we were being treated in the same way we are treating
them. And
along with these two efforts, it is always wise to ask God to search
our heart
and thoughts to see if there is any hurtful, selfish and sinful way in
us
(Note: Psalm 139:23-24).
It
seems clear that we are born with an over-powering
inclination toward pride-driven self-centeredness. However, by the time
we
become young adults our pride is arrogance toward God and our
selfishness is no
longer a naive, unintentional response to the needs and wants of life.
It is a
deliberate, willfully-intentional act of the will that is not forced on
us but
chosen by us. And because it is a choice, we are responsible for making
that
choice.
Willfully
choosing pride (or self-rule) and selfishness
over humility (submission to God’s rule) and love is directly
related to
distrust of God’s intention to always do us good, and
distrusting the
reliability of His Word to tell us the best way to live. To solve our
unbelief
dilemma, we make ourselves the most important person in our life,
determine for
ourselves what is best for us, and act accordingly.
Pride
and selfishness, or pride-driven selfishness gives
life to all sin. For this reason, the very foundation of the Christian
life is
built on humility and the denial of self. If we are to follow in
Christ’s way,
loving as he loves and obeying God as he obeys, we must first deny self
and
humble ourselves before God. No one can think himself wiser than God
and humble
himself before God at the same time. No one can love self supremely and
love
God supremely. No one can love self supremely and love his neighbor as
himself.
To love God supremely and our neighbor as ourselves, we must humbly
deny
self-centeredness and put away selfishness. (Note: John 12:25; Luke
9:24-25)
The
prideful, selfish person who calls himself a
Christian does serious damage to the reputation of God and the
reputation of
Christianity. His pride-driven hypocrisy makes God look bad in the eyes
of
unbelievers, and his selfishness makes Christianity look bad in the
eyes of
those who endure unnecessary suffering as a consequence of his
selfishness. He
harms the Body of Christ by setting an example that influences other
‘would be’
Christians and weaker Christians to follow in his footsteps. He does
even
greater harm by living and presenting a type of religion that leads
people to
believe they can enjoy the benefits of God’s salvation
without forfeiting the
benefits of selfishness and sin. He destroys the essence of
Christianity by
promoting the importance of being born again and knowing about God
while
ignoring or evading the need to wholeheartedly live for God. He renders
meaningless the language of Christianity by proclaiming to believe it
in
principle while contradicting it in practice.
(Note: Matthew 16:24-27; I John 4:7-8,20-21;
Isaiah 58)
Are you convinced that pride, selfishness, and sin are inseparably linked? Are you convinced that pride-driven selfishness brings destruction into your life and unnecessary suffering into the lives of all who are affected by your prideful and selfish choices and behavior? Do you know that God, through His Word and by His power, will teach you, strengthen you, and enable you to live a love-controlled life? If you have not made the deliberate choice to forsake pride and selfishness, I urge you to do it now. Then, take the necessary steps to give life to your choice.