THE CARING COMMUNITY

AND CONFLICT

Conflict resolution within a community is the glue that holds caring communities together.

Every community is only days away from damaged or broken relationships. First, differences arise. Second, those involved pick selfish solutions so that the resolution of those differences is mishandled. Third, trust is eroded. Fourth, forgiveness is denied. Fifth, acceptance is withdrawn. Sixth, damaged or broken relationships result and the group splinters.

Seldom are damaged and broken relationships the fault of one person alone. Most often it is the fault of both parties because they each mishandled their response to the conflict that arose between them. If the two are part of a community, it means the community did too little or nothing at all to promote or improve the process of reconciliation. It also means the community is doing nothing about the resulting alienation. This puts the community at equal fault with the conflicting parties for the damaged or broken relationship.

Yet a caring community is the best place for resolving conflict and healing broken relationships. A caring community can provide the necessary support for the hard task of working through conflict, coming to forgiveness, and rebuilding trust. It can ensure that the greatest need – acceptance – is met for all involved. Indeed, in the caring community, relationships of mutual trust and love are not only nurtured, they are the standard.

Caring communities don’t just happen, they are developed through planned, careful, and perpetual work. The following six things are common attitudes and actions of a caring community.

1. TIME FOR EACH OTHER: being available when needed and making time to come together to nurture the relationships that exist.

2. OPEN HONESTY WITH EACH OTHER: being open and honest about ourselves and about the one to whom we are talking. This requires an atmosphere where it is safe to say what we feel and what we think needs to be said. It also means having an atmosphere where it is safe to ask for limits on what others do or say to us, for us, and with us. It means being free to state our values and live by them when they are consistent with the good of the community. It means being free to confront and to be confronted as a show of love and concern for one another.

3. ACCEPTANCE OF EACH OTHER: so that everyone in the community is keenly aware that they are important to and loved by everyone else in the community. Numbers can make it impractical for each person in the community to have a meaningful relationship with every other person in the community. Yet the attitude and behavior of the community ought to clearly say that if this were possible it would be so. When this attitude prevails, the community makes certain each member knows they will receive the support, understanding, and help needed when facing conflict. The community works at being sensitive to each other’s pain, anger, or hurt when offended. The community strives to give each member affection and affirmation. These are the things that make each member in a caring community feel accepted. And in feeling accepted, they are better able to face and properly deal with whatever conflict enters their lives.

4. REACHING OUT TO THOSE WHO ARE HURTING OR WITHDRAWING: because the need for being loved and accepted is greatest when times are hardest, stress is strongest, frustration levels are highest, hurt is deepest, rejection is obvious, and running seems the only way out. Turning away from people in their pain, even if they are acting in ways that make it difficult for us to come near them is not what caring communities do for each other. The caring community knows how discouraging it is to endure hardship alone and how easy it is for discouraged people become defeated people. Because they love, they don't want any of their members to give in to discouragement and end up defeated.

5. ENCOURAGING RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT AND RESTORATION OF RELATIONSHIP: so that everyone in the community knows that relationships are among those things that are of highest priority in the community. The caring community wants it to be known that division and alienation are unacceptable. Their commitment to each other drives them to work out their relationships with each other so that trust and love remain strong. They know that the immediate good of the community and the long-term existence of the community depend on this. So they are eager to help those in a conflict situation to work through their conflict and restore the relationship.

6. AFFIRMING THE RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT AND EXPRESSING JOY OVER EVERY RESTORED RELATIONSHIP: rewarding each other for valuing and working for that which makes the community something akin to living in heaven.

Revised 2020